Pastoral Counseling and the Old Testament

[The following was written as an extra-curricular exercise for my class on Theology and Pastoral Counseling. It regards a case study we are reading. A section relevant to the Hebrew Bible falls near the end. This is a thought exercise and not an assignment of any kind. No replies are expected although all respectful criticism is welcome.]

Gary is gay. I admit to bringing to my analysis hypersensitivity around this subject but all the indicators are there.

Red flags went up when I first started reading he Gary case study in Chapter 5 of Shared Wisdom by Cooper-White. The first profile items to leap at me included: lives with cats, drinks white wine, and eats quiche; drives a spiffy car; and is a fastidious, judgmental, and narcissistic perfectionist.

Gary’s effete characteristics play into stereotypes of gay men but are not without precedent. Some of these characteristics are compensation strategies designed to demonstrate uniqueness and worthiness to a world that often perceives gay men as less than full citizens. The case study attempts to explain Gary’s behavior as an attempt to over-compensate for his family’s socio-economic status but ignores the possibility that it is driven by a sense of “otherness” and inferiority borne from his sexual orientation.

Gary is 40-something and single. “His perfectionist habits have spoiled two serious relationships, and his perfectionism has further inhibited him from forming close relationships or romantic ties, because no one is ever quite perfect enough to suit him,” we read. In common parlance it is normal to omit gender-specific pronouns when referring to same-sex relationships as a way of disguising the truth, e.g., “My ‘partner’ and I went to the theatre.”

Gary is an alcoholic – perhaps not a “problem drinker” but an alcoholic. Routine alcohol consumption is used throughout the gay community to suppress feelings of inferiority while lowering inhibitions against same-sex encounters.

Gary, not his father, has an overly intimate relationship with the maternal figures in his life. He was his mother’s emotional and spiritual partner, and projects his mother expectations onto his female supervisor.

Gary would have been the third child born to his mother but ended up as a sensitive only child. The incidence of homosexuality increase with the number of children a woman carries.

Gary's uncle Bob is gay and in a long-term relationship with Steve. The genetic influences behind homosexuality are well established. In examining the genogram, this case study overlooks the gay uncle.

Gary only has hostile relationships with the heterosexual men in his life – his father, his mother’s boyfriend, and his client’s husband. The case study attributes his hostility straight men to a disdain for alcoholism, irresponsibility and absenteeism. This attitude toward also can be explained as a response to internalized homophobia.

Importantly, Gary identifies with the Ingemar in the movie My Life as a Dog. In this film, the protagonist is banished to a land of “eccentric villagers,” not unlike the eccentric people in Greenwich Village or the Castro. As with any gay man sent away from home, Ingemar is thrust into a position of isolation and responsibility, and feels disconnected. Eventually, however, he finds in "intimate friend" his own age. This film parallels Gary’s story, minus the happy ending.

When studying the Hebrew Bible, some scholars employ midrashim, which is a way of understanding incomplete or contradictory passages by creating “what if” scenarios, among other methods. It is not at all difficult to imagine Gary is gay and no evidence is presented to the contrary.

Unless presented with evidence to the contrary, we tend to imagine everyone is like us. For many Americans, that may mean assuming Gary is a heterosexual Caucasian Anglo-Saxon Protestant. As pointed out in Chapter 4 regarding the case study of Yvonne, we see those types of assumptions can be misleading. The fact Yvonne and her counselor are African American plays an important role in understanding their motivations.

In the entirety of Shared Wisdom, “sexual orientation” is only mentioned three times, and each in a list of other classifications, e.g., race, gender, religion, etc. On two of the three occasions the words “sexual orientation” appear in editor’s brackets ([xxx]) as if to say, “Don’t bother to read this.”

Cooper-White found time to discuss quantum physics and the theory of relativity in a book on pastoral care and counseling but didn’t find time to discuss same-sex attraction and the social and religious complications it creates. I believe Cooper-White, in compiling the composite character Gary, consciously or subconsciously omitted Gary’s sexual orientation. My fear is that she did so to smooth the reading experience for an audience hostile to the age-old reality of homosexuality.

To bring a theological edge back to the conversation, I would like to examine the etymology of the word "eunuch." Although interpretations differ, one version holds that the word "eunuch" is derived from the Greek words eune (bed) and ekhein (to keep), hence "bed keeper," and only by extension does it mean a literally or figuratively castrated male. They are men who could not have children and were not attracted to women, and therefore safe to have as titular heads of house. Far from being disdained, eunuchs were placed in positions of authority as chamberlains, officers and officials.

In discussing marriage, no less a source than Jesus Christ said in Matthew 19.12:

For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let anyone accept this who can.

We understand this passage to include gay men, castrated men, and celibate priests.

In Isaiah 56:3-5 we read:

Do not let the foreigner joined to the LORD say,
 “The LORD will surely separate me from his people”;

and do not let the eunuch say,
 “I am just a dry tree.”
For thus says the LORD:

To the eunuchs who keep my sabbaths,
 who choose the things that please me
 and hold fast my covenant,
I will give, in my house and within my walls,
 a monument and a name

 better than sons and daughters;
I will give them an everlasting name
 that shall not be cut off.

It would be a huge mistake for a counselor to ignore their own sexual orientation as part of the countertransference self-evaluation. Were I to counsel Gary, I might bring these passages to his attention (and join him in laughing away the double entendre behind “shall not be cut off.”)