Only Children and The Bible

[I find Bible stories routinely reflected in my own life. The following entry attempts to find synergy between Old Testament attitudes toward only children and some contemporary psychological perspectives on the issue. This is not a term paper, just a blog, so please don't beat me up too badly if the whole thing doesn't hold together all that well.]

I wanted to write today on what it is to ask the "right questions” when studying passages in the Hebrew Bible. When I woke up this morning, however, I was preoccupied with the question of what it is to be an only child.
The fact is, the status of being an only child can be difficult. This reality is reflected in the Bible. For example, in the Hebrew Bible, being an only child is considered somewhat of a curse. In Jeremiah 6:26 the Bible says: “O my poor people, but on sackcloth, and roll in ashes; making morning as for an only child, most bitter lamentation: for suddenly the destroyer will come upon us.” In Zachariah 12:10: “And I will pour out a spirit of compassion and supplication on the house of David and the inhabitants of Jerusalem, so that, when they look on the one whom they have pierced, they shall mourn for him, as one mourns for an only child, and weep bitterly over him, as one weeps over a firstborn.” Similarly, in Amo 8:10 the Bible says: “I will turn your feasts into mourning, and all your songs into lamentation; I will bring sackcloth on all loins, and baldness on every head; I will make it like the morning for an only son, and the end of it like a bitter day.”
The status of being unique and dear to one’s parents also makes one likely to die. In Judges 11:34 the Bible says: “Then Jephthah came to his home at Mizpah; and there was his daughter coming out to meet him with Tim browse and with dancing. She was his only child; he who had no son or daughter accept her.” She soon became fodder for a sacrifice. Likewise in Genesis 22:2 the Bible says: “He said, ‘Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains that I shall show you.’”
From these passages we can divine that in the context of ancient Israeli society, both having only child is a curse. [It is not clear whether being an only child also was considered a punishment.] Apparently the only thing worse than having one child is to not have any. Sad passages about barren women are found in Genesis, Exodus, Numbers, Judges, and Samuel, Psalms, Proverbs, Hosea, and Isaiah.
There are many historic reasons to wish for multiple children—a high mortality rate and the need for children as labor come to mind. In addition to biological and economic concerns, moral, social and even psychological issues influence the desire by parents to have multiple children, or for children to have brothers and sisters. The Bible is full of admonitions to “multiply,” as seen in Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Deuteronomy, Chronicles, Jeremiah, Ezekiel, and Nahum.
In so-called advanced societies, historic imperatives to be “fruitful” hold increasingly less sway. In their absence, some have taken up psycho-social dynamics to find reasons that having only one child is bad.
Turn-of-the-century American psychologist G. Stanley Hall, for example, said, “Being an only child is a disease in itself.” Even more recent attitudes are not any more friendly. The following list of stereotypic qualities of only children was adapted from Parent Education Leader’s Manual (1978) by Don Dinkmeyer, Gary D. McKay and Don Dinkmeyer Jr.: pampered and spoiled; feel incompetent because adults are more capable; center of attention; self-centered; relies on service from others rather than own efforts; feels unfairly treated when doesn't get own way; may refuse to cooperate; plays "divide and conquer" to get own way; pleases others only when wants to; may have striving characteristics of oldest and inadequacy feelings and demands of youngest.
Austrian psychiatrist Alfred Adler, also speaking from almost a century ago, said that because only children do not need to compete for the attention of their parents, they are more prone to develop interpersonal difficulties.
Almost as an after-thought, researchers toss in moderately approving qualities such as: relates better with adults than peers; solve problems by themselves; and likely to be responsible.
Fortunately, not all researchers have such marginally qualified opinions of only children. For example, Fancis Galton, a polymath and cousin of Charles Darwin, published English Men of Science: Their Nature and Nurture in 1874. In this book he revealed that 48 percent of the Fellows of the Royal Society members who responded to his survey were either first born or only sons, making them by far the largest block. The implication here was that first born and only sons are typically more intelligent than your average bear, so to speak.
In Parenting an Only Child (2001), Susan Newman says many of the negative characteristics ascribed to only children are not true. "People articulate that only children are spoiled, they're aggressive, they're bossy, they're lonely, they're maladjusted,” she says. In fact, “[H]undreds and hundreds of research studies that show that only children are no different from their peers." (“The Only Child Myth,” Juju Chang and Sara Holmberg, ABC News, 2007).
Likewise, a 1987 meta-analysis published in the Journal of Marriage and the Family by D.F. Polit and T. Falbo, determined that out of 141 surveys, only children were found to be substantively comparable to children with brothers and sisters. One notable finding was that only children appeared to have greater motivation to succeed. A 1988 survey by the same researchers (“The Intellectual Achievement of Only Children, Journal of Biosocial Science), showed that only children along with first-born children enjoy elevated intelligence.
Newman, referencing the Resource Dilution Model, said one-to-one parental attention may contribute to this elevated IQ. Such a theory also is posited in a 2001 article by D.B. Downey titled “Number of Siblings and Intellectual Development: The Resource Dilution Explanation” and published in American Psychologist.
Interestingly, the Confluence Model, as articulated in 1975 in “Birth Order and Intellectual Development” by R.B. Zajonc and published in Psychological Review, contends that only children do not enjoy an IQ advantage because they do not benefit from having to care for siblings.
The ambiguity over what are and what are not typical personality characteristics of only children is exemplified my life. I exhibit many of the stereotypic qualities ascribed to eldest children, youngest children, middle children, and only children.
I recognize and honor the historic biological, economic and religious value of large families. I also admit there may be some truth behind the “typical” negative personality characteristics of only children. I do not, however, believe they merit more than hypothetical conjecture when it comes to analyzing the personal and social dynamics of a particular individual. I, for one, count myself as unique and subtly resent attempts to classify my personality prior to examination. Most importantly, I do not want anyone “mourning” over me.